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Never Do Housework - EVER |
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1. No man ever made love to a woman because the house was spotless.
2. Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers.
3. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.
4. So many men - so many reasons not to sleep with any of them.
5. If they put a man on the moon, they should be able to put the mall there.
6. Tell him you're not his type - you have a pulse.
7. Never let your man's mind wander. It's too little to be let out alone.
8. The only reason men are on this planet is that vibrators can't dance or buy drinks.
9. Never sleep with a man who's named his penis.
10. Go for younger men. You might as well. They never mature anyway.
11. A man who can dress himself without looking like Forrest Gump is unquestionably gay.
12. Definition of a bachelor: a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.
13. Women don't make fools of men. Most of them are the do-it-yourself types.
14. The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest they are too old for it.
15. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
16. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.
17. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions.
18. If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him cheque books.
19. A man's idea of serious commitment is usually "Oh all right, I'll stay the night." |
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* Judge Thompson was jailed after being found guilty of getting it off with a penis pump while he was presiding over cases in open court. Witnesses at his trial said that Thompson used the pump when cases were either really boring or really stimulating. And, yes, he is an American.
* A Darwin man has pleaded guilty to having sex at a petrol station and refusing to stop even when the police told him to. The Court heard that 29-year-old Spratt was seen sitting with a woman in a ute parked near the front door of an Adelaide River petrol station. The court heard the woman got out of the driver's seat and sat on his lap and he started to "passionately kiss her". The court heard the woman was making "loud moaning noises" and moving in a way that indicated the pair was having sex.
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Read more...
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A jealous husband hired a |
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A jealous husband hired a private detective to check on the movements of his wife. The husband wanted more than a written report; he wanted video of his wife's activities.
A week later, the detective returned with a video. They sat down together to watch it. Although the quality was less than professional, the man saw his wife meeting another man! He saw the two of them laughing in the park. He saw them enjoying themselves at an outdoor cafe. He saw them dancing in a dimly lit nightclub. He saw the man and his wife participate in a dozen activities with utter glee.
"I just can't believe this," the distraught husband said.
The detective said, "What's not to believe? It's right up there on the screen!"
The husband replied, "I can't believe that my wife could be so much fun!"
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You are on a Horse, galloping at a constant speed. On
your right is a sharp drop off, on your left is an elephant travelling at the same speed as you. Directly in front of you is a galloping kangeroo, and your horse is unable to overtake it. Behind you is a Lion running at the same speed as you. What must you do to safely get out of this HIGHLY DANGEROUS situation....?????
Get Your Drunk Ass Off The Fkn Merry-Go-Round...:)
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