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A young woman in a coma is moved to a new room in the hospital. After a few days her nurse notices that every time she sponge bathes the patient around her crotch, the nearby monitor indicates that the patient's vital signs increase significantly.
The nurse gets the bright idea that oral sex might just provide the stimulus to bring the woman out of her coma.
She calls the woman's husband, tells him she thinks oral sex can revive his wife, and he agrees.
When he arrives at the hospital, the nurse ushers him in to the room, closes the curtain around the bed, and closes the door.
Five minutes later, the husband comes running out of the room screaming that all of his wife's vital signs have plummeted to zero and that she needs a doctor immediately.
The nurse, upset that her idea not only didn't work, but seemed to be threatening the life of the woman she had sought to save, asked the man what had happened.
The husband replied. "I'm not sure, but I think she choked". |
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Two Old Virgin Sisters
There were two old-maid sisters, and both were still virgins in their advanced years.
It's Friday night and Gladys looks at Betty and says "I'm not going to die a virgin. I'm going out tonight and I am not coming home until I've been laid!"
Betty says, "Well, make sure you are home by 10 so I don't worry about you."
10 o'clock rolls around and there is no sign of Gladys. 11 o'clock... midnight... Finally about 15 minutes after 1am the front door flies open and in runs Gladys, straight to the bathroom.
Betty goes and knocks on the bathroom door. "Are you okay, Gladys?"
There is no answer, so she opens the door and there sits Gladys with her panties around her ankles, legs spread apart, and her head stuck between her legs looking at herself.
"What is it, Gladys??? What's wrong?" asks Betty.
"Betty, it was 10 inches long when it went in, and 5 inches long when it came out.
When I find the other half you're gonna have the time of your life!!!" |
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A man rings his doctor and complains that his wife hasn't wanted to have sex with him for the past six months.
The doctor tells the man to send his wife in so he can talk to her and hopefully determine what the problem is.
The following day, the wife goes to the doctor's and the doctor asks her "What's wrong, why don't you want to have sex with your husband?"
The wife replies "Oh, that's easily explained. For the past six months I've been taking a cab to work every morning. I don't have any money. The cab driver asks me 'Are you going to pay today, or what?' So, I take an 'or what' and have sex on the back seat of the cab." "Then, when I get to work," she continues, "I'm late, so the boss asks me 'Are we going to write this down in the book, or what?' So, I take an 'or what' and have sex in the boss' office."
"I also take a cab home after work and, as usual, I have no money. The cab driver asks me again 'So, are you going to pay this time, or what?' Again, I take an 'or what' and have sex on the back seat again."
"So you see doc, by the time I get home I'm all tired out and don't want it anymore."
"Yes, I see." replies the doctor.
"So, are we going to tell your husband, or what?" |
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A couple decided that the only way to have a quickie while their ten-year- old son was in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and let him give a running report on what was going on in the neighbourhood.
So the boy stood on the balcony and reported on everything that was happening.
"A police car has just called at the Hamiltons' house,
The Chandlers are taking delivery of a new wardrobe, and the Mitchell's are having sex."
Hearing this, the boy's parents shot bolt upright. "How do you know the Mitchells are having sex?"
"Because their kid is standing on the balcony too." |
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