Sex.co.nz

Yeah, we were skeptical as well. How could sex feel better when orgasm is not on the menu? Sure, Tantric sex aficionados claim to make love for days on end by not focusing on the orgasm, but not all of us have the discipline (or desire) to engage in a sexual marathon without a single reward.

But scientists are discovering that orgasm could hold the reason for sexual boredom. Forgoing it, they suggest, can keep your sexual interest in your partner high.

Eh?

Here’s what they’re claiming.

When you can have all the sex you want with only one condition – that you do it with the same partner – you start losing interest. It’s not your fault that your libido has waned; it’s the Coolidge Effect.

The Coolidge Effect states that male sexual interest will inevitably decrease in the presence of a female (or females) he’s mated with many times before. But if a new female is introduced, his libido and sexual performance will jump right back to optimum.

The phenomenon has been seen in multiple species, including our own. It was named after former US President Calvin Coolidge. A joke goes that President Coolidge once visited a poultry farm with his wife, who was impressed at the large number of eggs the farm produced. She asked the famer how this was possible with so few roosters. The farmer explained that the roosters could perform many times in one day. “Perhaps you could point that out to Mr. Coolidge,” Mrs. Coolidge replied.

President Coolidge overheard her comment and asked the farmer, “Does each rooster service the same hen each time?” “No,” the man replied. “There are many hens for each rooster.” “Perhaps you could point that out to Mrs. Coolidge,” came the witty reply.

The fact is: the more you have sex with the same person, the harder it is to get excited.

So does that mean we should throw away sexual monogamy?

No, of course not. Close, enduring relationships are the key to being happy, and people in happy marriages report greater satisfaction and fulfillment in their lives.

What author and Huffington Post blogger Marni Robinson suggests is that we give up our focus on orgasm. She and her husband are fans of an unusual style of sexual intercourse called by various names: angelic dual cultivation, le jazer (cortezia), karezza, and the reserved embrace (amplexus reservatus).

This form of sex focuses on creating a whole-body experience, engaging spirit and mind as well as body. Lovers “merge” into one another. The love-making experience becomes a “sexual meditation” rather than a journey towards a single explosive goal.

Because the sexual experience isn’t brought to a halt by orgasm, Robinson reckons that sexual desire stays constant. The Coolidge Effect isn’t triggered, because the male has not “fertilized” the female. As a result, lovers stay hot and horny for each other forever.

But even Robinson herself will admit that it’s difficult to give up the desire for orgasm. Orgasm catapults dopamine levels to a comparable state of pleasure to someone who’d just injected heroin. It’s addictive, which is why sex addicts battle the same compulsions as drug addicts.

However, for those more spiritually-minded lovers, “angelic dual cultivation” might just hold the key to a more elevating, spiritually enlightening, and ultimately more satisfying form of sexual intercourse.

If you’d like to learn more, Robinson’s book, Cupid’s Poisoned Arrow: From Habit to Harmony in Sexual Relationships, is a good place to start.