Sex.co.nz

Sex columnist Dan Savage tells us, “Anal is the new oral.”

According to a U.S. study by the Center for Disease Control, roughly 1 in 3 of us enjoy anal sex on occasion – and that’s just heterosexual men and women.

Just fifteen years ago, anal sex was much more taboo. Only a quarter of men and a fifth of women engaged in anal sex, and it was a deal-breaker in many relationships. Men worried that their enjoyment of anal meant that they were gay; women worried that a man’s interest in her “back door” meant that he was a pervert.

But nowadays anal sex has moved past its “fetish” label and moved squarely into the mainstream. Anal toys are a mainstay of sex shops, and the more adventurous seek out strap-ons to reverse their sexual roles.

The appeal of anal sex is its novelty. Most of us have gone as far as we can go when it comes to vaginal and oral sex. Anal adds a new dimension to sex as the “next frontier.”

There are two big problems with anal, however.

(1) Fear that it will hurt, and

(2) Fear of the mess.

Both of those fears need to be dealt with by a couple before they go any further.

There are three secrets to enjoyable anal sex. The first is lubrication – lots of it. The anus doesn’t naturally produce its own lubrication, and the delicate skin can tear. Use the thickest lube you can find and don’t be stingy.

The second is arousal. Some couples like to have at least one orgasm before attempting anal sex, because the more relaxed and aroused a person is, the easier it is and the better it feels. If the other person is not relaxed – if they’re worried or fearful – then don’t continue. Switch to foreplay, oral sex, or vaginal sex until they’re ready to try again.

The final tip is to go slowly. Don’t try to do it like a porn star on your very first go. Start out with a finger, then graduate to anal beads. Only after you’re both very comfortable with anal play (which may take as long as several weeks) should you attempt full penetration.

Anal beads are a great starter activity for couples interested in anal play. They’re inexpensive, fun for both men and women, and even appeal to straight men who worry that any pleasure derived from their “back door” makes them gay.

When purchasing your first set of anal beads, select the smallest set you can find. Silicone beads are superior to those made from jelly rubber because they can be sterilized by boiling – an important consideration considering where those beads are going.

Hygiene is very important for anal play. Wash your beads with warm, soapy water after use – or, even better, boil them for three minutes if the material is heatproof – and let them dry naturally. Don’t share your toy with a partner unless you’ve cleaned it in between uses or covered it with a condom.

Some anal beads vary in size, starting with smaller beads and finishing with larger beads. These beads can be great for novices, because you’ll quickly find out which is the largest size you feel comfortable with. Don’t feel like you have to insert ALL the beads. Even inserting just the first few beads can be a pleasurable experience.

Make sure to keep in mind the three anal sex tips we gave you above: lubrication, arousal, and slowly! The slower, the better.

Once you’ve inserted the beads, engage in other forms of sex play until you’re ready to come, then pull the beads outs during climax to intensify your orgasm.