Sex.co.nz

No one – literally no one – actually wants to hear anything John Mayer has to say.  But the man is so prolific that you can’t help copping an earful when you least expect it.

And now, thanks to a few half-assed comments in Playboy, Mayer is getting offered his dream gig:

To write and direct porn.

Now, maybe it wouldn’t take much imagination to jump from “Your Body is a Wonderland” to “Let’s Drunk and Screw,” but we’re not all that convinced that Mayer is up to the job he’s just been offered by Vivid Entertainment.

Vivid is the world’s largest adult video producer, so the company must not mind risking a few bucks.  John Mayer appeals mainly to women, but after his recent comments (and failed flings with Jennifer Aniston) it seems unlikely that women will be lining up to purchase a Mayer-written-and-directed skin flick.

Internet porn has been a consistent part of Mayer’s life.  He says, “There have probably been days when I saw 300 vaginas before I got out of bed.”

Mayer considers masturbation as good as sex.  “It’s like a vacation,” he says.  “My brain gets to go free. It’s a walk in the park for my brain. Pull the shades and let your mind go without having to answer for it.”

He adds that he’s had so many amazing sexual experiences that he’d rather “go home and replay” them “rather than meet someone new.”  He even goes so far as to say:

“The best days of my life are when I’ve dreamed about a sexual encounter with someone I’ve already been with. When that happens, I cannot lay off myself.”

(We can just hear all of Mayer’s ex-girlfriends going, “Ewww!!”)

Mayer admits – without directly coming out and saying it – that his porn use has affected his relationships, as he’s always searching for the next hot thing to get off to.

So is this the man you want writing and directing your next porn flick?

Mayer claims he’s got the experience:

“When I watch porn, if it’s not hot enough, I’ll make up backstories in my mind. My biggest dream is to write pornography.”

It's anyone's guess if he’s got the guts to live up to his boasts.