Sex.co.nz

There’s nothing funnier than a horny animal.

According to Ananova.com, a Polish farmer was mauled by a bull when the randy animal mistook him for a cow.

Stan Markowski’s daughter explained that her father had been working with the cows on his Wies Dlugie dairy farm when a bull smelled the ovine scent and assumed that the farmer was actually a cow in heat.

The bull came up to the farmer to investigate, and, when the farmer pushed him off, the bull “went mad.”

Somehow – and Markowski’s daughter didn’t explain how – the bull got the farmer’s clothes off in the process of mauling him.  She concludes, “He managed to get away and ran home, completely naked, terrified and bleeding.”

Don’t count me an expert on Polish dairy cows, but we just can’t see how a bull – with blunt teeth and hooves – could get the clothes off from a fully rugged-up farmer!

A more realistic sex-capade comes from home turf, where happy Henry the Tuatara has knocked up one of his mates at the ripe old age of 111.

Luckily, tuataras don’t lose their looks with age.  Considered a “living fossil,” the tuatara is native to New Zealand and, until 2006 when the coin was phased out, appeared on the back of the Kiwi 5-cent coin.

Tuataras are slow to reproduce.  Because of the long duration of pregnancy (12 to 15 months), females only lay a new batch of eggs every 2 to 5 years.

But Henry didn’t have an excuse.  He hadn’t shown much interest in sex since his arrival at the Southland Museum and Art Gallery in Invercargill forty years ago, despite being given his own private harem of three females.

After recovering from genital cancer, he recently decided that he was ready to become a father.  He and his mate Mildred now have a dozen eggs of their own.

Unlike Henry, most tuataras live for up to 60 years in the wild.